Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
I am totally willing. I just wish I knew how. I can't always distinguish my will from God's will. I have to pray on this, so I can know the difference.
Perhaps I should make a God box. Put the problems on a piece of paper and put them in the box. That seems like a tangible way to turn my will over to God.
How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?
There is a great line in this video: Let God be your GPS.
I hate making decisions--probably because I've made so many bad ones.Now either I overthink things--like
I can't go to the store to buy milk without having a philosophical discussion about it running through my head or I make quick thoughtless decisions just because I have to decide something. Neither of these methods has worked very well for me.
Again, this is something else that requires prayer and meditation.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life?
It seems like the older I get, the harder it becomes to make decisions, and the worse my decisions become.
After I sold my 4-bedroom co-op in Manhattan for what I thought was a great profit (well, it was at the time), I had seller's remorse for years. It seemed like all my troubles started when we moved to the suburbs. For years I had dreams that I managed to buy back the co-op--of course, there is no way I could afford it now.
Then there was my sabbatical from hell. That's when I stopped writing.
Then there was the house that I shouldn't have sold, but I was in meltdown mold and in a lot of debt. I was way ahead of the bust curve.
Right now a decision is coming up whether to let my son stay home alone (yes, he's 21--but it's my home and I don't want him to trash it and I don't want to get evicted while away) when I go see my mother. I'm very torn. My mother is getting old, and I miss her, and I know she's lonely. On the other hand, I have a host of horror scenarios running through my mind if I leave Rudy on his own for a few weeks.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
What holds me back is fear that Rudy will trash the place or I'll get evicted for something he'll do. If I stay, I will feel guilty about my mother, and I suppose I could use a vacation. I hate traveling, so I am always lukewarm about a trip untl I get there, and then I don't want to leave. I hate packing. I hate leaving things behind. When I'm here, I don't want to leave, and when I'm there I don't want to leave.
This decision has been delayed because I haven't had the money to go, but next week, I should have the money. And next week, we'll see if Rudy can hang on to this job. I don't trust him to be able to get himself up at 6AM to be there at 7AM. And frankly, I can't count on him not to have wild parties.
I can't say I'm worried about Rudy so much, I think he will be all right--though I can see him running out of money or not getting up for the job, etc., and, of course, wild parties.
I need to pray on this because I can't find the right answer. Well, I think I shouldn't leave him alone, but then I will feel terribly guilty for not seeing my mother. Of course, he just started a new job today (yay), and we'll see how that works out. If it works out--then maybe I'll have no worries. Or maybe staying is a way to not turn things over to God.
Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?
Yes, I trust God to care of me. I don't trust him to take care of Rudy. That's totally crazy I know, but I have to learn to trust blindly.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
Simple. If I truly trust God, I will trust Him to handle the situations of others without me meddling.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
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Let's see--I had a nervous breakdown by obsessing with problems. By obsessing with people? Holy smoke--it seems for the longest time, I was obsessed with someone. By being obsessed with one individual, I neglected the rest of my life or made plans to impress the individual. Sometimes being obsessed looked like it led to good things. I went to an Ivy League school to impress M. I ran for public office to be near A. I wrote and published poetry to be near B. I went to boarding school to be near W. I went into the travel industry, so I could fly free to Bahrain to see G. I mean, I could go on for three freaking days. I was always on some existential quest for some impossible love.
And though my past may seem interesting and picaresque to others, all my adventures (searching out some boy grail) led down paths I might not have taken. If I had it to do over, would I take that same jagged path that stretched over three continents? No. I hear people say, "I wouldn't change a thing." I would change a whole lot of things. Rudy is the only thing in my life that has real meaning. The rest is just fluff. Oh, I do have a job I really like, but I would prefer being an energy trader or futures trader--or any kind of trader--because I love the stock market--but perhaps that love came to late in life.
When I "Let Go and Let God" take care of my life, am I willing accept the guidance I receive?
I've been having a cash flow problem ever since we moved. I paid for two places one month and didn't get my deposit back on the old place. I left some furniture there and the carpet's needed cleaning, so I just told my old landlord to use the deposit. Plus, I paid first and last month's rent on my new place plus deposit--which was like paying five rents in one month.
I was majorly stressing the cash flow situation. Now that I'm in Al Anon, I decided not to stress it. I decided to let go and let God. The rent's paid, there was food in the refrigerator, the lights and gas are on, and I get paid next Thursday, so no one is going to starve. I have only been praying to God for guidance and understanding of God's will.
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I swear, I didn't say one thing to God about money, but today I got a check for $500--retro pay at work, Prylet started a job he thought was part-time until July 16th--but they hired him full-time immediately and gave him a $500 advance. I found a gift card for Dunkin Donuts for $20 and at CVS last night, I got $28 Extra Bucks. Plus I found $40 in change in the bottom of my handbags--this is just amazing, and I still get paid on Thursday.
I feel like God has great plans for me. I just have to stay cool. Or humble. I did thank Him, however.
I hate making decisions--probably because I've made so many bad ones.Now either I overthink things--like
I can't go to the store to buy milk without having a philosophical discussion about it running through my head or I make quick thoughtless decisions just because I have to decide something. Neither of these methods has worked very well for me.
Again, this is something else that requires prayer and meditation.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life?
It seems like the older I get, the harder it becomes to make decisions, and the worse my decisions become.
After I sold my 4-bedroom co-op in Manhattan for what I thought was a great profit (well, it was at the time), I had seller's remorse for years. It seemed like all my troubles started when we moved to the suburbs. For years I had dreams that I managed to buy back the co-op--of course, there is no way I could afford it now.
Then there was my sabbatical from hell. That's when I stopped writing.
Then there was the house that I shouldn't have sold, but I was in meltdown mold and in a lot of debt. I was way ahead of the bust curve.
Right now a decision is coming up whether to let my son stay home alone (yes, he's 21--but it's my home and I don't want him to trash it and I don't want to get evicted while away) when I go see my mother. I'm very torn. My mother is getting old, and I miss her, and I know she's lonely. On the other hand, I have a host of horror scenarios running through my mind if I leave Rudy on his own for a few weeks.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
What holds me back is fear that Rudy will trash the place or I'll get evicted for something he'll do. If I stay, I will feel guilty about my mother, and I suppose I could use a vacation. I hate traveling, so I am always lukewarm about a trip untl I get there, and then I don't want to leave. I hate packing. I hate leaving things behind. When I'm here, I don't want to leave, and when I'm there I don't want to leave.
This decision has been delayed because I haven't had the money to go, but next week, I should have the money. And next week, we'll see if Rudy can hang on to this job. I don't trust him to be able to get himself up at 6AM to be there at 7AM. And frankly, I can't count on him not to have wild parties.
I can't say I'm worried about Rudy so much, I think he will be all right--though I can see him running out of money or not getting up for the job, etc., and, of course, wild parties.
I need to pray on this because I can't find the right answer. Well, I think I shouldn't leave him alone, but then I will feel terribly guilty for not seeing my mother. Of course, he just started a new job today (yay), and we'll see how that works out. If it works out--then maybe I'll have no worries. Or maybe staying is a way to not turn things over to God.
Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?
Yes, I trust God to care of me. I don't trust him to take care of Rudy. That's totally crazy I know, but I have to learn to trust blindly.
Story behind the song - Trust and Obey
Composer John H. Sammis Writes Trust and Obey
John H. Sammis (1846-1919), gave up his life as a businessman and part-time YMCA worker to study for the ministry. He was ordained a Presbyterian minister in 1880 and then served at several pastorates. In his later years, Sammis taught at the Bible Institute of Los Angeles.
Daniel B. Towner (1850-1919) was music director for several well-known churches and schools, including the Moody Bible Institute. He published several music books and wrote the music for many well-loved hymns, including At Calvary and Only A Sinner Saved By Grace.
In 1887, just following an evangelistic meeting held by Dwight L. Moody, a young man stood to share his story in an after-service testimony meeting. As he was speaking, it became clear to many that he knew little about the Bible or acceptable Christian doctrine. His closing lines, however, spoke volumes to seasoned and new believers alike: I'm not quite sure. But I'm going to trust, and I'm going to obey.Daniel Towner was so struck by the power of those simple words that he quickly jotted them down, then delivered them to John Sammis, who developed the lyrics to Trust and Obey. Towner composed the music and the song quickly became a favorite. It remains popular with hymn singers today.
Daniel B. Towner (1850-1919) was music director for several well-known churches and schools, including the Moody Bible Institute. He published several music books and wrote the music for many well-loved hymns, including At Calvary and Only A Sinner Saved By Grace.
In 1887, just following an evangelistic meeting held by Dwight L. Moody, a young man stood to share his story in an after-service testimony meeting. As he was speaking, it became clear to many that he knew little about the Bible or acceptable Christian doctrine. His closing lines, however, spoke volumes to seasoned and new believers alike: I'm not quite sure. But I'm going to trust, and I'm going to obey.Daniel Towner was so struck by the power of those simple words that he quickly jotted them down, then delivered them to John Sammis, who developed the lyrics to Trust and Obey. Towner composed the music and the song quickly became a favorite. It remains popular with hymn singers today.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
Simple. If I truly trust God, I will trust Him to handle the situations of others without me meddling.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
And though my past may seem interesting and picaresque to others, all my adventures (searching out some boy grail) led down paths I might not have taken. If I had it to do over, would I take that same jagged path that stretched over three continents? No. I hear people say, "I wouldn't change a thing." I would change a whole lot of things. Rudy is the only thing in my life that has real meaning. The rest is just fluff. Oh, I do have a job I really like, but I would prefer being an energy trader or futures trader--or any kind of trader--because I love the stock market--but perhaps that love came to late in life.
When I "Let Go and Let God" take care of my life, am I willing accept the guidance I receive?
I've been having a cash flow problem ever since we moved. I paid for two places one month and didn't get my deposit back on the old place. I left some furniture there and the carpet's needed cleaning, so I just told my old landlord to use the deposit. Plus, I paid first and last month's rent on my new place plus deposit--which was like paying five rents in one month.
I was majorly stressing the cash flow situation. Now that I'm in Al Anon, I decided not to stress it. I decided to let go and let God. The rent's paid, there was food in the refrigerator, the lights and gas are on, and I get paid next Thursday, so no one is going to starve. I have only been praying to God for guidance and understanding of God's will.
I feel like God has great plans for me. I just have to stay cool. Or humble. I did thank Him, however.
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