Most of my life has been spent dealing with alcoholism. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, and I've had two alcoholic husbands. The first one actually got sober through AA, but we still got divorced because even sober, husband #1 was a horror show. Husband #2 had intermittent periods of sobriety, but we ended up divorced when our son was two. In the end, he went to prison for five years for habitual drunk driving (after having had his license suspended for 15 years), and then six months after his release, he died in his sleep.
I have been in and out of Al Anon. I used it as a support group with my husbands, and it helped. I got very good at the whole detaching thing--I called a lawyer, but as soon as my then husband was out of the house, I left Al Anon. I didn't understand that I had problems that needed to be changed--and not just temporarily.
When my son was 14, he started getting into trouble. I was complete denial that he had a problem with alcohol. I wasn't an idiot. I knew he drank, and I knew he smoked pot (and probably took Ecstasy), but I looked at it more as a *stage*--something he would grow out of. He got arrested for accessory to car theft. I got a lawyer, and he got off with probation, and his record was expunged. Before he was off probation, he ran into a parked car and bounced. In my state, that's a felony. It's considered a hit and run, which I still find a bit ridiculous, but that's not the issue. Since he was on probation, I was worried he'd be sent to some juvenile facility, so I said I hit the car. It was then my felony. I got a lawyer and got off with accelerated rehabilitation--and no felony on my record.
Still, the whole episode contributed to my complete meltdown. Suddenly I had financial problems, emotional problems, and every kind of problem. I was forced to sell my house and take a year off of work. He got arrested again for criminal trespassing--I just had a complete nervous breakdown, and we fled the state. I later pulled somes strings on the trespassing charges, and they magically disappeared.
In that time, in another state, my son at 15, took my vehicle and got a DUI. I got another lawyer. Still, it was not dawning on me (or I was in such denial) that he had a substance abuse problem. I got another lawyer.
A year later, we moved back to our other state where I had a job. It wasn't long before the police were in our presence again, and right before my son's 18th birthday, he got another DUI. I got another lawyer.
I started having financial problems again. I decided to go to Al Anon because I thought *maybe* my son had a problem, and I really wanted to avoid having another nervous breakdown. I was going to have to move to a cheaper place because of my finances. My son decided he wanted to leave the state and live with my mother--get his GED (he quit school at 15) and maybe learn a trade. I moved into a small place, and he left the state. I dropped out of Al Anon because the alcoholic was no longer living with me. My problems were over.
At 21, my son had become a welder. He wanted to come back, go to college, and work. I thought it sounded like a good plan. I rushed out to get a bigger place to live. He came back up and for months did nothing but drink and smoke pot. I nagged. I was sarcastic. We were back in that dysfunctional cycle I knew so well. It was then I decided to once more go back to Al Anon, but this time, I intended to work the program. This time I intended to get a sponsor. This time I intended to work the steps. This time I realized *I* had to change.
Let it begin with me.
